MALAISE

AND SHE SAID, “I MUST GO.”

Malaise: A general feeling of discomfort, illness, or uneasiness whose exact cause is difficult to identify.

If I can identify the cause(s)…is it still malaise?

I’ve made the first cancellation of the next previously-hoped-for round of travel. Gives someone as addicted to being out and about in the world as me, moments/hours/days of pause: It fills me with uneasiness. Notice me not saying anger or sadness or worry. Those are emotions I’m reserving for things I might be able to fix. However Cultism (represented by our home-grown fascists, trumpers, survivalists), Climate change, and Covid are beyond my ability to even alter in the slightest of ways.

So I am extremely uneasy (‘anxious, troubled, uncomfortable’). The world probably won’t crash and burn in my lifetime (although there’ll be more attempted coups, floods/fires/drought, and new strains of old diseases or brand-new viruses)…but, my dear grandchildren, good luck to you.

There is no good news, so I’m making my own as I sit here in my tightly-closed house because the California fires are pumping smoke in through any opening. I am willing myself into a strong enough state of denial to be re-planning all of my missed trips for a whole lot of time on the road and in the air in 2022/23. What I’m doing use to be called ‘whistling in the dark.’

Yes, breaking through my Sunday afternoon malaise—there is that ray of hope. Which would be a brighter ray if it weren’t for all the smoke in the air.

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