Just exactly how are we supposed to maintain a foothold in what should be a better-cherished state of ordinariness? I thought it would be possible to dwell on the news-of-the-world part of the day and still appreciate and enjoy regular old everyday life for some hours also. Maybe not.
We’re living under a bomb, brag, bully, wholly-fascist government that wants to kill most of us, certainly useless people like me. Best perhaps to just try to say whatever there is to be said in emojis. But I hate emojis so here are a few paragraphs about goals…one is never too old…? Whatever.
My goals for the next 10 years are clearer all of the time. 1. Stay a little too busy—do whatever I must (except for crocheting or volunteering as a hospital greeter) to feel like I can never get it all done, whatever IT is. 2. Always, without fail, go to the gym twice a week, walk three miles in an hour while listening to Brits narrating almost anything on Audible. 3. Do Not Be Pathetic.
Especially Do Not Be Pathetic. To avoid patheticness, one must be so involved in life as to not notice that your voice, actually your whole being, has disappeared, that to the world you are a ghost, a ghost unfortunately still consuming healthcare and housing and food that could better be going to a worthy oligarch—better yet a tech oligarch.
The thing is…I like this wafting about in a semi-transparent state better all of the time. Next thing you know I’ll be shopping at Walmart in my pajamas. Or shoplifting pop tarts at Walgreens. Truthfully, there is some real pleasure in caring little what people think. And some security in believing I’ve aged out of having the Nazis throw me in jail for trashing our new gods.
My favorite meme of today is a pretty 50s housewife saying something like ‘gosh, just barely got the pandemic decorations put away, and it’s already time to get ready for WWIII.’ Since the crash booms aren’t in my neighborhood yet, I’m going to watch some more of a not-great Luxembourgian murder mystery. I was in Luxembourg one time, 1984 to be exact, with my friend Sue. We took the train over from Paris for the night just to say we had been there. I only remember an organ grinder (was there a monkey?) on the high street and a leafy bridge.
Just thought I’d write something because I’m extremely distressed about the world and old age…and yet happyish (after all) in my own confused way.
