I am a writer and therefore always concerned with ‘plot,’ (the plan, scheme, or main story of a literary or dramatic work). If I think of my life as a dramatic work, and in 2020 isn’t everyone’s life a drama-rich work, than I must pay attention to the plot, mustn’t I? Increasingly it seems the Marjorie-plot is getting harder to find…in fact, I’m almost positive I have “lost it”: to lose one’s ability to understand or cope with what is happening)
In case you’ve been away…in another galaxy perhaps…we humans are murdering our one and only planet; the U.S. has a greedy and certifiably-crazy narcissistic sociopath for a president; and then there’s that silly pandemic killing a whole bunch of people all over the world. Closer to home: I am moving, a happy move but nevertheless nerve-wracking; my California son, who was coming to help, has a wrecked knee; my friend’s sister’s house burned down in a Colorado fire; perhaps my art center will never come back to life; the big amazing glorious African journey of 2021 is looking iffy; the book I’m writing is a huge chaotic mess, and, and did I mention I’m old and at the poorish end of the 99%. Can you see how my life’s ‘plot’ might disappear? And how I would be a seemingly permanent state of bafflement.
Baffled for just a day or two (Emily Dickinson)
Baffled for just a day or two – Embarrassed – not afraid – Encounter in my garden An unexpected Maid.
She beckons, and the woods start – She nods, and all begin – Surely, such a country I was never in!
Perhaps I am always baffled because I read too much Nordic Noir. Murder, murder, murder murder murder, and the only things I ever contemplate killing are spiders and mosquitos. I’m suffering from cognitive dissonance. Which is baffling. The books in the photo are from a 2014 stack I was passing on; I have many new ones.
For now…I looked up poems about bafflement…because I am baffled (totally bewildered or perplexed) by everything…the world, my country, me.
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A Baffled Mind (Ric Bastasa, Filipino judge and poet)
oh it is just a diversion, a hobby, something done and which could simply be set aside after,
just like eating a banana and throwing half of it to the sea from a boat where you are contemplating of the place that you are going,
what do i do there? what for? this trip is not that important as i leave other life-death situations,
the sea is stormy and the boat is shaking and those who are certain about where to go are here in their vomiting moments.
one jumps over the boat and kills himself allegedly to forget and be gone, which is another sad story that comes into your life and then dissolves itself into forgetting
if you hear about it you did not listen much about the other details just a normal occurrence in these harsh times, and you have your own life to live, your own story to write, your own, your own self, and it is still ongoing without a plan for a happy ending, or just an ending perhaps, just to finish it and find another plot, an extremely complicated one and must not baffle a baffled mind.
I have many cats to choose from….how many do you want?